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The Great Expanse

by Katie Joy Nellis and James Metelak

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1.
Can't Fake 01:15
One foot in front of the other, now that’s the way and keep on walking home waits so don’t keep it waiting another day there’s no stopping So long I won’t be coming back here again ‘cause I already left Come on there’s no other proof for it anyway you can’t fake showing up
2.
Here, UNODIR (“UNODIR” is military lingo for, “UNless Other DIRected” Sometimes when I think of staying home, I imagine getting small, and shriveling or spreading overfed and dull. When you’re planted, you can’t move You wait for every rain the seasons change around you, and you haven’t got a say you haven’t got a say Couldn’t we just go? Isn’t there some place that I was promised in my youth? Among the hills, across the ocean? And do I hear you call my name, or do I only hear an echo? He said, settle down, and give your daughters and your sons, and pray for this land where you just now find yourself and plow the ground here you are for now, and wanderlust makes fools of us don’t lose the wonder of the place where you are When your back-door neighbor lay in a coma on her bed, You were there you were there to hold her hand, and sing, and pray and you were there to see her buried And you were there when the winter winds were cold when every day brought another inch of snow You were there to shovel out and feed the birds outside your window Here you are to plant the seeds and stay to tend, to rise and fall, like the ocean on the sand, in faithfulness, another day, another year not letting fear, or doubts or sorrow steal today or curse tomorrow keep on loving let yourself be known He said, settle down…
3.
Can you feel the earth? We're spinning It makes me dizzy It makes me dizzy Can you feel the speed? We're moving Hurtling through the black On a bouncy ball Can you feel the miles They're passing We scatter out our skin Into space rising and falling like waves Pile up some stones Leave a mark Light up the night Leave a spark Can you feel the impact Of rocks falling The earth is scarring The earth is scarring Can you feel the worn track Of this orbit? We've been here before We've been here before We've been here before Masses to masses Stardust to stardust Nothing's really ever standing still Nothing's really ever standing still Can you feel the paint? It's peeling Can you feel it in your bones? This aching. We're planetary pilgrims, orbiting the fire Empty space and carbon, Soul, virtue, and desire Repeat 1
4.
Anchor Me 04:00
Open water Open sea Island conversations A silence in between Each harbor seems like home Each anchor weighed a stab Rocking back and forth I dig my fingers in the sand Anchor me Hold me fast, I've been losing my grip On this little piece of flotsam Open sky The days roll by Thirst and hunger on my tongue The sharks they wait And sirens sing Sweet songs that sound like home The fog rolls in, Polaris lost, I feel the soft caress Of waves and wind Of rise and fall The deep beckons me to death Anchor me Hold me fast I'm lost at sea Take me home I've let out all my rope And not hit bottom Hook in a pretty mouth The seafarer drinks to forget himself Hoping that he might one day be whole That the emptiness of open sea The cutting blade and the dirty hearts Of men might melt away to hearth But still a longing calls me farther on Something tells me this is not yet home Anchor me So I don't put my roots in the temporary Hold me fast Harbor me within Your perfect rest All the arms and nets I've grasped for All the lines that I've reeled in I've caught nothing and nothing's caught me But I keep running aground On every little reef I keep getting caught up in the rigging. Tying knots at portside Just to untie again Anchor me Hold me fast upon the journey Lift my eyes Clear the fog and let me see the light And as I come to the edge Time and time again Harbor my heart Anchor me within
5.
This is Dubai Do you hear your sister crying? It's another call to prayer, she’s gonna miss your nightly lullaby. Your mother has been doing extra mothery things while she still has the right. You're packing up your room, you're leaving gifts around the house, We're glad, and scared, and peaceful combined. Nineteen years is old enough, but not a lot of time to turn a woman into a bride And oh! Is it bravery that brought me out to the UAE or is it childlike love? ‘Cause I call you my bosom friend but will this wedding bring an end to all we’ve shared so far? We saw your new apartment on the 26th floor, the color swatches pasted on the wall: turquoise, peach, and yellow, gray and purpley plum, somehow you’re gonna make it a home. Last night we slept in your bed, talking late into the night. Tonight you sleep alone for the last time tomorrow will come and the next thing you know you will be someone’s wife. For eight years we’ve dreamed about this day the day the two are made into one and I don’t understand the cost, it feels suspiciously like loss it’s lonelier this side of the knot. But it was right to let the harmony begin Love so desired, and love inspired a song that two could sing. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelu, hallelujah There’s moonlight on the desert sand and a starry ring on your left hand, good grief, is this dust in my eyes? ‘Cause I came here to let you know I love you and to let you go, so I guess this is Dubai.
6.
Fair winds and full sails A song in my chest I have wandered oceans wide And left pieces there behind Polaris bright I sojourn on Hoping for a far-off home The deep echoes in my chest Harbor of my heart I have strayed Cup me in your palm Keep me safe Keep me safe Dark skies and flotsam A beating in my chest Among the wreckage I'm lost again Knuckles white I'm holding on Hoping for an island rest The deep beckons me to death I have slept in many harbors Dreamed on many shores Seen a thousand sunsets Walked a thousand foreign skies I have sought and I have grasped I have hoped and I have lost I have hoped and I have lost Harbor of my heart I have strayed Cup me in your palm Keep me safe You are my home Harbor me
7.
The road is the ocean it terrifies me with its vastness where does it end? How do I know myself in the great expanse? Sirens call and caterwaul Will I ever understand the fatal mundane? I leave home crossing myself crossing the waves praying, “take me, if there’s someone to take” This inhuman element, the speed at which we pass by each other (also in shells which we shed looking naked and small to find another one larger to hide in) We read the sky for red and yellow and green showing our lights signaling each other making currents with our small observances This law of life and death: how do we follow? How do we follow in the great expanse? You are the compass there is no map Bring me there bring me home bring me there bring me home Keep me watching the stars keep me dropping my crumbs
8.
Airships 03:42
Airships empty out like waves Crashing to the shore Arms that meet us do not know Our bodies from our souls I try to catch my breath in this Mist and cigarettes I'm at least 2,000 miles from here In at least four different nations I try to smile and not let show The pain and running shock I hashtag liberally #firstworldproblems The way my friends all talk They are keys to my heart That I had thought I had lost many years ago And when I leave I feel exposed Like a fish left out of water Window expectations high My heart twirls in my chest Rejected each time more and more But also, full and seen This putting on a face begins To wear me to my core My bloody heart within me screams "More and please no more" On the wing up high The clouds go sailing by Pressurized inside My soul is forever in flight (Repeat 1) (Repeat 1st four lines?)
9.
Roma Termini I feel closer to you, somehow, in this light. In this lack of sleep, this dreaming, sweating, dying. Dying. Feeling love flame out, flame within quietly, in a wordless prayer. Love burns, and light burns, and the world is hard, and the world is beautiful. We are strangers. I do not know you. But I want to. I want birds to fly between us. I want the softness of the stars to bind us. For words to mold into movement, and quietness. And mornings, and sunlight. And light burns, and love burns. Roma Termini. Sweat, urine, alcohol. Mouths hanging open. Green fields, feathery tops. Slanting light. Reflected light. Empty. Clear. Clarity. Images swimming, emerging, fading. Interconnecting. Eyes. Being destined. Destiny. And where we’re headed. Somewhere. Anywhere we go. Everywhere, You are. The dropping out from underneath, the guttural moan. The wail. No longer pretending. This is real, and this is real. And this is a practice of reality. Holding in, letting out, not trying. Doing without. Doing without trying. My delight. My beloved. My weak, my lovely one. Will you look at me? Remember your first love. Purity is not denying love – it is loving one thing only. Jesus. Another beauty. A look that might have meaning, that might have permanence. That might span continents. I trust you to remember, but you may not believe. So believe. Believe.

about

These songs were recorded in the middle of 11 months of traveling, during which I also recorded my Spanish album, visited 19 countries, and played on the radio in Mexico and Lithuania, and played concerts in 9 countries (not counting busking in another 3). Reverse culture shock was draining me, and seeing my close friends made me feel guilty about not keeping in touch, and even more guilty when I left them. I tried to maintain a distance relationship, but the constant moving and trying to be present was too intense. It was also a period in which I had to revisit the places I thought were home. Some of the places I had felt secure in the past were no longer safe. Some of the things I once found comforting were more disturbing. But mostly this album is just about the road, the weariness of looking for rest, for home, in the midst of constant change.

The emotional intensity by the end of the trip left me drained for months afterwards. And I feel like that constant flashing by of people, places, ideas, conversations, emotions...this is what technology and modern society does to us as well, and it's quite easy to lose your sense of self or your sense of identity or belonging in all of that, whether it's just feeling hopeless that you can never keep up, or feeling that you're overstretched as 10 people message you at once.

So these are my simple songs of being lost in translation and not wanting to be...Katie's songs are of course brilliant. She's the best songwriter I know; I hope you like what we've made here. As you can see on youtube.com/lhpoetry, this is just us, a mic, a mac, and a guitar, sometimes a piano. And we only used tracked recording on the mac for 2 of the songs. So yeah, these are raw demos, rough takes...but I think they hold up to scrutiny and I think songs like Here (UNODIR) and Airships are among the best songs we've ever created.

--James


James and I have known each other for nearly 2 decades. Though we’ve spent most of that time in vastly different areas of the country and the globe, we’ve maintained a deep appreciation for the other’s musical talent.

In 2015, when James made an extended visit to the States, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to combine our skills in a collaborative album, one we could record together and even perform live to family and friends. With our experiences of international travel, long-distance friendships, moving and displacement, committing to a place and longing for a permanent home, the theme of “Journeys” was an easy choice for the album.

We wrote our songs separately, sharing rough recordings and lyrics from afar, and finally finessed and recorded them in a few short days in Pennsylvania. James composed and performed the piano and guitar parts to my songs, which was an enormous enhancement.

Although we’ve gone on to write more music (collaboratively and separately) and have both developed musically since the Journeys album was written, it retains a special vitality and timelessness. We hope you’ll enjoy these varied expressions of our life experiences, faith, and friendship.

--Katie Joy

credits

released March 7, 2018

Written and Recorded by Katie Joy Nellis and James Metelak

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James Metelak Kyrgyzstan

Indie-folk Acoustic Singer-Songwriter Multilingual World Traveler Music That is Sometimes to God, and sometimes not.

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